


gone, gone, gone (and she doesn't come back)

by WattStalf



Category: Baccano!
Genre: F/M, I am so fucking sorry for this mess, Murder, Necrophilia, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, THE VENT FIC TO END ALL VENT FICS, generally fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:12:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8036440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Tell me, tell me, tell me, baby, I don't know what to do to get you back and I just need to know something! Please, please, please...





	gone, gone, gone (and she doesn't come back)

**Author's Note:**

> SO  
> HAHA  
> IM REALLY SORRY FOR THIS  
> but this is a tough time of year for me and i needed a fucked up distraction. This is a vent fic, though I'm not venting about anything you can see within the story here. Like I didn't murder my fiance or anything, sorry to disappoint. I'm not putting this with my general LaddLua series because it doesn't fit the continuity cos spoiler alert she's dead

At first, he thinks, it's easy to hide what he's done. Lua doesn't go _everywhere_ with him, and she's so quiet that maybe no one will notice when she isn't by his side. And even if they do, he thinks, it won't be hard to come up with excuses for why she isn't there. _She isn't feeling well_ , he can say. 

_She wanted to sleep in._

_She didn't feel like going out._

_I didn't want to put her life in any sort of danger, not if it's caused by anything else but me, don't you know that?!_

The excuses come to him so easily, and he's certain that others will believe them, should they ask him where his fiancee is and why he's by himself so often. Perhaps he will evens start to believe them himself, if he tells them often enough.

~X~

Ladd doesn't know what made him do it. He doesn't know, he doesn't know, he doesn't _know_ , but he's done it even though he _really didn't want to yet_ , and there's nothing he can do to reverse it, nothing at all. Nothing, nothing, _nothing_ can undo what he's done and he _knew_ that but he _did it anyway_ , and he just doesn't know _why_.

It was an ordinary night, he thinks, but already the details are slipping away from him, blurring and blending together because the only thing he can remember clearly is the panic, in the end. One moment, they were together, and the next he was alone; his hands had been around her throat and she'd mouthed something to him, so weak that he couldn't make it out- _he couldn't even make out her last words_ \- and then she was unconscious and he _didn't let up_. Lua is dead.

_Lua is dead_ , and he  _doesn't know why_ .

He panics as soon as he realizes what he's done, he panics and he shakes her and he tries to wake her up and he checks for the pulse that isn't there, and  _she is really dead this time_ , and he wasn't even  _thinking_ , and he wasn't even  _ready_ , and he never even had the chance to say  _goodbye_ or anything like that. Ladd is  _angry_ and he doesn't exactly remember trying to hurt her, but when he's fucking her later, there's a line of blood at her throat from where he tried to kill her again.

~X~

He sleeps with her that night and he tries to ignore how cold and stiff she's becoming. Her eyes were closed when she died, and he forced them open while he fucked her so that her empty gaze could haunt him, judge him, scold him for his absolute and complete  _failure_ . Now, he closes them again because he wants to pretend she's sleeping with him like always. She's so goddamn cold and he can't warm her up.

He fucked her because she was still warm and he was still panicked, and it was the fastest he had ever come with her. Her eyes had gazed at him, and then, as she shifted, somewhere behind him, and he kept waiting for her to take a little breath, to blink, to whimper, to  _come back to him_ , but she never did and she never will. Never never never never never never never again

~X~

Ladd doesn't actually sleep that night and the next day he has to leave her and make his excuses, and when he returns, she's waiting for him and she still hasn't come back to him. The smell is overpowering and he's got an erection and he left Lua with her eyes open that morning so she watches him approach her. She watches him undress her, and she isn't as stiff as before so it's easier.

It's not so easy to fuck her but he manages and he holds his cold, bloated fiancee against him while he fucks her and begs her to stop, promises he didn't mean it, and her face is wet with tears when he's done. He's excited until he remembers that they're his own, and he sighs. It takes him a half hour to get hard again.

~X~

He wanted to go together. That was the thing, the thing he never talked about, his big secret that he knows she knew. He wanted to go together because he'd reached some point where he was so used to her that he couldn't fathom a life without her. There was a purpose that wasn't there before, and if she wasn't there, then what, what,  _what_ was it that he was supposed to do?

She was supposed to take him while he took her, he was going to teach her what to do, they were going to share in it,  _together_ because everything was different when they were together and things were finally starting to feel  _right_ with her and without her they can only feel  _wrong_ . They were supposed to go together and he  _fucked it all up_ , and he doesn't know why it ended up like this.

Her eyes look more wide and alert in death than in life, because he can't give her that half-lidded expression she always wore on his own. The emptiness in them is almost the same. They're going to rot right out of her head soon and her eyelids are going to rip right off if he keeps playing with them but he can't stop playing with her. He's waiting to see if she will come back.

~X~

The smell gets stronger, and he tries dousing her in what's left of her rose perfume, and he buys her roses, so many roses that the odor of the flowers is choking. It's a goddamn funeral, he realizes, and he wonders why he even tried to cover up her new scent when a very large part of him loves it because it's a part of her. He likes the way it mingles with the roses too, and thinks about a perfume made of this scent, and how it's what he wants to give her for their next anniversary.

~X~

He stops leaving her side because he's worried about her. She doesn't look so good anymore- not that she's not beautiful, his Lua is _always_ beautiful- and he's so worried about her. He asks her what's got her feeling so bad, not expecting an answer but still irritated when he doesn't get one. The funny thing is, she was almost this quiet when she was alive, but now it's just _annoying_.

He can fill any silence on his own but he doesn't want to, he wants her soft input, her barely audible replies, her little sighs. She's gone and he's starting to hate her for it but not as much as he's starting to hate himself for fucking up the most important thing. He feels like he can think more clearly now, but he still doesn't know what made him do the horrible thing that he did.

She's getting too dirty for him to fuck, so he settles for laying next to her. The roses are starting to wilt and the perfume faded, and maybe he doesn't like her smell so much after all.

~X~

Ladd buys her a ring because they weren't even married yet, for Christ's sake. It's a simple wedding band and he buys himself one, but when he tries to jam it on her ring finger, it does more harm than good and his doesn't end up fitting either because he didn't bother getting them sized. He apologizes and she doesn't answer and he says he can get her something else and she doesn't answer, and he tells her he loves her, he loves her, he loves her more than anything.

She didn't always respond to him when he told her he loved her. Sometimes she only smiled and nodded, but sometimes she did murmur it to him. Even when she didn't say it, he still knew what she meant because he knew her, and she didn't need to use words like he always did, and that was okay. Now she just stares with rotting eyeballs and he wishes she would speak up, for once. He wishes she would tell him something, even if she doesn't love him anymore after how badly he fucked up.

“Do you hate me?”

...

“Do you love me?”

...

“Tell me, tell me, _tell me_ , baby, I don't know what to do to get you back and I just need to _know_ something! Please, please, _please_...”

~X~

Someone comes looking for him and they find him and they find him with her, but he still doesn't know how to fix what he fucked up and she still hasn't come back, so he just can't leave her side yet.

 


End file.
